


A Hard Ten and a Soft Four

by CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)



Series: SPNauBingo Entries [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Male escort Sam, SPN AU & Trope Bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 03:50:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16632365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil
Summary: Written for SPNauBingo, for the Fake Dating square. Y/n doesn't want to deal with her family being assholes for Thanksgiving, but she has to show up. Her roommate suggests hiring a date to get her family off her ass and shows her an escort website.~“Maybe you should just hire somebody to take with you.” Charlie suggested from the other side of her laptop screen.“What, like a male prostitute?” You joked. “Where would I even begin to look for a male prostitute?”“The internet. You can find anything on Craigslist. See?” She turned her laptop to show you the screen. The website had a black background and a header that said Bobby’s Boys: An Escort Service.“Wow, you found that fast.”“The internet is my kingdom. And I might have been looking into buying you a date for Christmas.”“What?!”“Oh, come on. How many batteries do you go through in a month? The environment would thank you to get laid.”“Great. Now I’m pathetic and I’m killing the planet. Thanks.”“Look through the list. I’m sure you could find somebody to stroke your fancy.”“Ha ha. If I do this, I’m not gonna be having sex with ‘em. It’ll just be to get my family off my back.”





	A Hard Ten and a Soft Four

“Do I  _ have  _ to?” You whined into the phone.

“It's tradition, y/n. The whole family goes, every year. The only time anybody's ever missed a Thanksgiving at Maw-maw's was when your sister was in labor with Teddy Jr. and when Uncle Stan had that heart attack four years ago.”

“Mom, I know that, but…” You ran your hand across your face. “Can't we tell Maw-maw I'm getting my appendix removed or something? I really don't want to go.”

“You see the family once a year, y/n. Just once, and-”

“And I spend the entire weekend being subjected to comments about my weight and love life!” You interrupted. “The whole family targets me, Mom. Every single person thinks they have the right to tell me what’s wrong with me and I have to spend weeks getting okay with my self-esteem afterward.”

“It’s one weekend, sweetie. Come on. And you shouldn’t let what your cousins and uncles say get to you.”

“It’s not just them! Sometimes, it’s Maw-maw and it’s  _ always _ Carol and Ted and every-fuckin’-body else! It’s everyone!”

Your mother sighed and static went through the phone. “Look. Your grandma is ninety-eight years old. She won’t be around for many more Thanksgivings. You need to cherish the time you have left with that woman.”

You sighed. It always came down to ‘Maw-maw’s gonna die soon’ in these conversations. “You know, when that woman  _ does _ pass, you’re gonna regret using that scenario to get me to do shit.”

“Watch your mouth! And I wouldn’t have to use her passing if you would just stop complaining and come to Thanksgiving.”

“Whatever, Mom. I guess I’ll be there. See you in a few weeks. I gotta go. Bye.”

“Maybe you should just hire somebody to take with you.” Your roommate, Charlie, suggested from the other side of her laptop screen.

“What, like a male prostitute?” You joked, setting your phone on the coffee table and going to unpause Game of Thrones.

“Yeah. It'd be like Pretty Woman, but with a dude… or, you know, you could switch teams and-”

“I'm not a lesbian, Charlie.”

“Then your best bet is gonna be a gigolo.”

You snorted. “Where would I even begin to look for a male prostitute?”

“The internet.” She answered quickly, her fingers tapping on her keyboard while her eyes stayed trained on you. “You can find anything on Craigslist and Backpage. See?” She turned her laptop to show you the screen. The website had a black background and a header that said  **Bobby’s Boys: An Escort Service** . There were a bunch of disclaimers across the page saying it was a dating service, not a sex service.

“Wow, Charlie. You found that…  _ fast _ .”

She shrugged and placed her computer on your lap. “The internet is my kingdom. And I might have been looking into buying you a date for Christmas.”

Your eyes widened. “What?! Charlie!”

“Oh, come on, you  _ so _ need it. How many batteries do you go through in a month? The environment would thank you to get laid.”

“Great. Now I’m pathetic  _ and _ I’m killing the planet. Thanks.” You rolled your eyes at her as she stood.

“Look through the list. I’m sure you could find somebody to stroke your fancy.”

“Ha ha. If I do this, I’m not gonna be having sex with ‘em. It’ll just be to get my family off my back.” You called at her back as she threw up a peace sign and left you alone with her laptop. You sighed, very deeply. You couldn’t believe you were even  _ considering _ an escort service, but you couldn’t go through another Thanksgiving of being the family punching bag.

You pulled up the list and clicked on the first name: Adam. Up popped a list of stats (Name, Age, Height, Weight, and the completely conspicuous statistic of ‘Length’) as well as several picture of the man in nothing but a pair of tight black briefs. None of the pics showed more than half of the face.

Adam was young, only nineteen, and it made you kinda sad to think what his life must’ve been like to have to resort to this sort of work. You moved on to the next name. Arthur was much older and he seemed all right, but the pictures didn’t really grab your attention so you moved on to Ash, a thin but well-muscled man who had hair down past his shoulders.

Balthazar seemed to enjoy being half-nude in front of a camera, based on the smirks  _ just _ visible in his pictures, but you continued to click through, not wanting someone so obviously sexual.

You clicked on several more names. Benny, Brady, Cain, Cas… Dean caught your eye. Six foot one with the most kissable lips you’d ever seen, biceps that looked good enough to eat, and you blushed furiously when you let yourself read his ‘Length’ stat. You bookmarked his page and continued.

Fergus, Gabriel, Jake, John, Luke, Max, Michael, it seemed like whoever Bobby was, he was determined to have something for everyone’s tastes. You gasped, audibly, when you clicked on ‘Sam’. Six foot four, two hundred pounds of pure muscle, fluffy light brown hair that curled slightly against his neck and wide, muscular shoulders that made your mouth water. You made a squeaky noise deep in your throat when your eyes fell on ‘10 ¾’ in the ‘Length’ stat.

Before you could stop yourself, you were picking up your cell phone and entering the number on the page. It didn’t ring, taking you straight to a voicemail box. “This is Sam. Leave a message with your information and I’ll get back to you.”

Your voice trembled as you struggled to make your mouth form words. “Uh. H-hi. Um, I’ve never done this sorta thing but, uh, I n-need a date… someone to pretend to be my boyfriend for my-my grandma’s Thanksgiving and, uh, I don’t want any of th-the extra stuff that’s n-not advertised but totally  _ is _ stuff. If-if you aren’t busy the twenty-first through the twenty-fifth, I’d like to, please, hire you.” You rattled off your name and phone number and hung up, feeling breathless and blushy.

You closed Charlie’s laptop and set it on the coffee table, starting to regret making that call. You really just called a hooker. You turned Game of Thrones back on and half hoped you wouldn’t get a response. Twenty minutes later, though, your phone went off with a text message.

**This is Sam. You sounded nervous, so I thought I’d text instead of calling. I’m open for Thanksgiving and I would love to help you out. Why don’t we meet up somewhere safe and public, to get the nerves out of the way and hammer out the details?**

You bit the inside of your cheek and took a deep breath. No harm in meeting with him.

**Okay. Starbucks at the mall?**

**Sounds perfect. 2pm tomorrow good?**

**Yeah. See you then.**

Your nerves were back immediately and Game of Thrones did nothing to distract you so you got up and walked to the kitchen. Charlie bounced out of her room as you were pulling out a pint of your favorite Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. “So? Who’d’ya pick?” You raised an eyebrow and pulled the lid off of your ice cream. “I was going to get you a night with, uh, Dean. Or Sam.”

You blushed, deeply, and retreated to the living room. “I’m not going to be sleeping with him, Char. He’s just gonna pretend to be my boyfriend for a few days. That’s it.”

“You know, I’ve read enough fanfiction to know how fake dating ends up.”

“Reality isn’t fanfic, chica. The fat girl would get more love if it were.”

“The fat girl would get more love if she weren’t so down on herself all the time.” Charlie countered, sitting on the couch next to you and picking up her laptop. “Oh, you picked Sam?”

“Of course I did. Look at those shoulders.” You said, digging your spoon into the carton.

“And it has nothing to do with his monster cock, right?”

You blushed, deeply. “Shut up! It doesn’t matter what’s in his pants. I’m not going to have sex with a prostitute.”

“You should.” She said, simply, before clicking out of the ‘Bobby’s Boys’ tab on her browser.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You got your coffee and took a seat on the small patio area outside the Starbucks. It was cold but the sun was shining so it wasn’t biting. You sent a text to let Sam know where to find you and focused on your coffee.

“Y/n?” Your eyes snapped up and connected with the most beautiful hazel eyes you’d ever seen. You swallowed as he smiled, bright as the sun. “I’m Sam.”

You stood, setting your coffee on the table and offering your hand, which he clasped between his and, wow, he had huge hands. “H-hi.”

He took the seat next to you and smiled some more, taking in your blush and averted eyes. “So, I’m your first, huh? I always love getting the virgins.” He said, teasingly. He chuckled. “Let me guess, a friend showed you the website?”

You nodded. “My roommate, Charlie. I never would’ve considered it, but my family… they’re brutal.”

“The whole ‘When are you gonna settle down and have kids’ thing?” Sam asked, knowingly.

You looked down as you started to share. As uncomfortable as it was for you to tell this stranger about your life, you had to. “For some of ‘em, yeah, but mostly it’s ‘this is  _ why _ you’re single, here’s every single thing that’s wrong with you, from your weight to your apparel and let’s insult your personality for good measure’. I can’t…” You bit the inside of your cheek. “I can’t go through it again. That’s why I need you. Maybe they’ll back off if they see that a…  _ very  _ attractive man is interested in me.”

Pity flashed through his eyes, but he hid it quickly. “So, you just need someone to come home with you, eat some home-cooked food and fawn over you in front of your family? Easy.”

“Yeah. That’s… all I need.”

“And you don’t… want anything from the secret menu?” He inquired, quietly, a bit of a sparkle in those gorgeous hazel eyes.

You shook your head. “I wouldn’t feel right paying for that.” 

He chuckled. “Yet, you’re perfectly fine paying someone to trick your family.”

You shrugged. “I’m doing what I need to do. But I don’t  _ need _ to do that.”

He smiled. “Okay. Well. Four days, multiple overnight stays, without the other stuff… still gonna run you pretty high.”

“Money’s not a problem. The only thing my family  _ can’t  _ fuck with me on is my career.”

“Which is?”

“I’m an architect, fairly successful, and I don’t spend my money on kids or fancy clothes, so… I can pay whatever fee you deem necessary.”

He smiled, softly, and pulled out a packet of papers from his jacket. “This is just a questionnaire to get us on the same page. The first part is questions about you. Favorite foods, shows, music, that kind of thing. Any allergies or little quirks your boyfriend should know about you. The second part is about who you want  _ me _ to be. What you want me to say is my career, where you want to say we met, all that.”

“I appreciate your organization.” You swallowed, flipping through the packet. “You want me to fill this out now? I’ve got a pen somewhere.”

“Nah, you can take it home with you. We’ve got a few weeks to get this all together and ready. I’ll run it all down with my boss and get you an itemized bill. Any questions on anything, you can text me, okay?” You nodded and he stood, taking your hand and pressing it to his lips. “Can’t wait to meet your family, babe.”

You couldn’t wait for your family to meet him, either. Over the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, you grew more and more nervous, but you and Sam spent the weeks texting back and forth, getting comfortable with each other. You had filled out the questionnaire and Sam seemed to know exactly what was expected of him and, really, $3000 wasn’t a lot to ask for your emotional wellbeing.

You drove up to Maw-maw’s house with Sam in your passenger seat, looking relaxed in a red and black plaid flannel shirt, the seat pushed as far back as possible to give him a bit of leg room, listening to old school glam rock and new school frat-boy country. When you pulled into the driveway, Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “This is a manor.”

“Yeah. There’s a reason why Thanksgiving happens at Maw-maw’s place. She’s the only one with room for everybody.”

“Coulda warned a guy.” 

“Sorry.” You chuckled, parking behind a Mercedes Benz that you were sure was your sister, Carol’s. “Paw-paw owned a few coal mines back when coal was viable.” You took a deep breath and looked from the house to Sam. “You ready?”

“Are  _ you _ ?”

“Oh, hell no.” You responded, before climbing out of the door and heading to the trunk to pull out your bags.

“I got this.” Sam said, pulling all of the bags out and slamming the trunk. You led him to the door and hit the button for the bell, which caused a loud  _ ‘dong’  _ noise to sound through the house. 

Your brother-in-law, Ted, answered the door with a Budweiser in his hand. His eyes lifted to Sam’s face and went wide. You’d never seen Ted intimidated by anyone. “Happy Thanksgiving! This is Sam. Sam, my sister’s husband, Ted.” 

“Nice to meet you. I’d shake your hand, but mine are kinda full.” Sam said, smiling.

“Can you move, dude? I’d like to go claim a room before all the good ones are taken.” You said, pushing past him and rushing up the stairs, two at a time. The rooms on the second floor were bound to be taken so you skipped the first landing and went up to the second one. After checking the first two doors, you opened the third to find it bereft of luggage and skipped in to flop down on the king-size bed. Sam walked in a moment later, kicking the door closed behind him. “Ted’s an asshole.” You said, pulling your coat off and tossing it at the chair across the room.

“Yeah. I could tell.” He smirked as he set the bags on the floor at the foot of the bed. “Shit. Never seen a  _ guest bed _ this big.”

You chuckled. “You know, I thought you were a quality escort, man. You’ve never been in an old lady with too much money’s house?” You asked, quietly.

“Don’t usually make it to the guest bedroom, sweetheart.” 

“Yeah, old ladies like it in the kitchen, huh?” You joked.

He grinned, widely, and you ignored the fact that that smile gave you chills. “Old ladies are the nastiest sex anyone ever had.” He said, flopping down on the bed, which sent you flying a few inches into the air. He reached his arm out to keep you from bouncing off the bed and you grabbed onto his red plaid-covered forearm. “But sometimes, nasty’s not the way to go.” He said, his voice low and rumbling, his eyes on your lips.

You swallowed and averted your eyes, your cheeks heating up. “Yeah, uh, anyway. Ted’s here, so Carol’s gotta be here and Teddy Jr.”

“Why don’t we just go down and you can introduce me to everybody?” He stood and you nodded. He wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you against his side. “You good?”

“Yeah.” You breathed out.

Sam shook his head and pushed you, gently, into the wall next to the bedroom door. “Shoulda got this out of the way earlier.” He sighed and leaned his head down, eyes catching yours. “I’m going to kiss you. This isn’t a sex thing. Your family’s just gonna need to see us kiss to believe it and I don’t want the first kiss to be in front of an audience, okay?”

You nodded, dumbly. Somewhere in the back of your mind, you knew you’d probably have to kiss the man at some point, but you hadn’t been kissed in years and you were nervous. Sam’s large hands came up to cup your face, his fingertips in your hairline as he tipped your head back and leaned his face closer to yours. He slotted his mouth against yours, his nose pressing a bit harshly against yours as he held your head exactly where he wanted it and kissed your breath away. You blinked up at him as he pulled away and smirked down at you. “You okay?”

You nodded. “Uh-huh.” You cleared your throat and looked down.

“One more time, just to make sure.” He smirked, tipped your head back again and pressed his lips to yours, much softer and shorter this time, before taking your hand and opening the door. 

You led Sam down to the kitchen, where everyone would be congregating as Maw-maw instructed everyone the correct way to cook her Thanksgiving dinner. She hadn’t cooked since she was in her early eighties, but she wasn’t about to let Thanksgiving happen without her supervision. As soon as you and Sam walked in, Ted cleared his throat and nodded toward you to call everyone’s attention to you and the newcomer. Seven sets of eyes jumped up and immediately filled with surprise. “Hey, guys. Happy Thanksgiving. This is my boyfriend, Sam.”

Carol was the first to snap out of her stupor and offer her hand to Sam, staring wide-eyed and with a little more lust than was appropriate considering her husband was five feet away. “You got a last name, Sam?” She asked, in her flirty voice.

“Wesson.” Which was absolutely not his last name. He hadn’t actually told you his last name, but you were certain it wasn’t that.

Carol brought her left hand up to grab Sam’s bicep. Because of course she’s gonna get handsy with your ‘boyfriend’. She has no shame. “And what do you do, Sam Wesson? With arms like these, I’m gonna say… fireman?” 

“Actually, I’m a lawyer.” Sam lied, pulling away from your sister and wrapping his arm around you in a move that said he was definitely not going to be distracted from the woman he came with. That lie had been his suggestion, because you hadn’t known what to say his profession was. 

“A lawyer, huh? Never seen a lawyer look like a lumberjack.” Maw-maw said, shuffling around Carol to look up into Sam’s face.

“I’m on holiday.” He defended with a smile, and you bit your lip, crossing your arms over your chest.

“And he obviously works out.” Carol said, huskily.

“Not as often as you’d think. Just a few times a week.” He said, before turning his attention. “You work out, Ted?”

Carol blushed a bit to remember that her husband was right there. “So… how’d my sister bag  _ you _ ?”

Sam looked amused, but his arm tightened around you. “What do you mean?”

“Well, come on. You’re a  _ hard _ ten and she’s… well, a very  _ soft  _ four.” Your aunt Marlene, a mean old woman of about sixty, finally spoke up. “A squishy four.” She finished.

Sam scoffed. “Wow. No wonder she didn’t want me to be here.” 

“What?” Half the kitchen exclaimed.

“I’m sure you heard me.” Sam said, a dark protectiveness in his tone. “She didn’t want me to come. She wouldn’t tell me  _ why  _ she didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving with me, why she didn’t want to introduce me to you people but I see now. It’s because you’re horrible to her.” Your mouth dropped open. Yeah, sure, you were paying Sam to be your boyfriend, but at no point had it been discussed that he would play your knight in shining armor against your family’s terrible assertions.

“We most certainly are not!” Carol whined, before turning her eyes on you. The whole family was suddenly staring at you, demanding that you tell Sam he was wrong. You froze. “Y/n, tell him he’s got the wrong idea!”

You broke out of Sam’s grip and rushed out into the yard, forcing deep breaths of cold November air into your lungs. “Y/n! Come on! You're gonna catch your death out here. You didn't even grab your coat.” Sam followed you, long legs catching up with you before you made it to the giant oak tree in the side yard that you were aiming for.

“You were supposed to make it  _ better _ !” You turned to him, angrily. “You weren’t supposed to turn on my family and make things  _ worse _ !”

“I’m sorry, y/n. I just got so pissed off with them bein’ such assholes and…” He stepped closer and put his hand on your arm. “There’s no reason for anyone to treat you that way, especially your fuckin’  _ family _ .”

“Of course there’s a reason. I had to  _ rent  _ a  _ boyfriend _ , Sam.” You said, quietly, tears pricking at your eyes. “I  _ am  _ a squishy four and that’s being generous. Everything they say about me… it’s all true.”

“No, it’s not.” Sam insisted, running his hand down to entwine his fingers with yours. “I’ve known you for just a few weeks and I can say with absolute certainty that everything they say about you is bullshit.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand. “I’ve been with a  _ lot _ of women, okay? I’ve never  _ met  _ a woman like you.”

You blushed and looked away from his eyes. “You’re only saying that because I paid you to.”

“Fuck, you want the money back?” Sam asked, pulling his phone out of his pocket with his free hand and unlocking it. “I will transfer the money back into your account right fuckin’ now, y/n, if that’s what it takes to get you to believe me. I mean, Bobby took his twenty percent already, but I can give you back the rest.”

Your eyes went wide with shock. “What?”

“Y/n, you’re gorgeous. Yeah, you’re a bit soft, but you’re beautiful. You’re smart as hell, you’re funny, and you’re sensitive. You’re the first woman I’ve worked for that didn’t want to use my body and that sucks because I’ve been wanting to get you naked and make you scream since we met. I couldn’t stand there and listen to them put you down to make themselves feel better. Those people don’t deserve your tears, they don’t deserve to make you feel as bad as they always do, okay? Come back inside.” Sam finished softly.

“Wait. I’m… confused.”

Sam flipped his phone around and showed it to you. His account information showed a $2400 transfer from his bank account to yours. “You’re not renting me, anymore. I’m here because I  _ want  _ to be, not because of the money. Now, come back inside.” He insisted, shrugging his flannel off to reveal a dark grey tee and wrapping it around your shoulders. 

“Sam.”

“No, come on.”

“Sam, what’s your last name?” You bit your lip, holding fast where you were standing. You didn’t know anything about him, really. He knew a hundred things about you, but you didn’t know much about him. 

He seemed to know where your mind had gone because he smiled. “Winchester.” You scoffed. “Swear to God. I'll show you my driver's license when we get up to the room again, okay?” That was enough for you to allow him to guide you back into the house.

You started to retreat up the stairs and into the bedroom, but you stopped at the sound of your name. Maw-maw shuffled forward and you could see the rest of the family peeking out of the kitchen door down the corridor. “You know, I have waited thirty years for you to bring a man home.”

“Barely been alive that long, Maw-maw.” You muttered.

“Don't mutter, missy. I waited all this time and when you finally bring one, it's this  _ mountain  _ who refuses to let your sister and my daughters and sons say anything against you. I've been waiting for someone to put Carol in her place since your mother gave birth to that brat.” Your grandmother raised a frail finger to point up at Sam. “If you don't lock it down with this one before I die, I'm going to haunt you until you give me great-grandkids of higher intelligence than the one who sniffs glue.”

You giggled. You hadn't heard anything about Teddy Jr. sniffing glue, but you didn't doubt it for a second. “Yes, Maw-maw.”

“Now, you and Sam go get yourself warmed up and then come back to the kitchen. Need you to do the lattice on the pies. None of those idiots can make it look right and I wanna post a picture on my Instagram.”

“She’s a blunt lady. I like it.” Sam chuckled and followed you up the stairs.

“Yeah. Maw-maw’s pretty okay. Only ever messes with me about my weight. Mom and Dad are okay, too.”

“Speaking of… when am I gonna meet them?”

“Mom has perfected what I like to call ‘Strategic Lateness’. They’ll show up in a couple hours, when all of the prep work is done, complaining of ‘traffic on the two-ten’. It’s fine, though. She’s a crappy cook.” You slid Sam’s flannel off as you walked into the room and tried to hand it back but he shook his head.

“Nah. I’ll keep it off for a while.”

“What, so Carol can ogle the pythons?”

“No, these pythons are just for you this weekend.” Your face fell a little. He might be here this weekend because he wants to be and he might think all those things he said out in the yard, but… Sam saw the change in your face and cupped your chin in his large hands. “Hey, we’ll worry about all the future stuff later, okay?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “How’d you end up in that job, though? Just… just wondering.”

Sam sat on the edge of the bed and pulled you into his spacious lap. “Uh, it’s kinda the family business. After my mom died, my dad met Bobby and he started doing it to make ends meet for us. My brother, Dean, started up as soon as he was eighteen, ‘cause he loves the ladies and couldn’t think of a better way to make a living than bringing women pleasure.”

“And you?”

Sam chuckled. “Well, that’s part of it for me, too, but… I’ve got some monster student loans.”

“Really?” You couldn’t imagine a college grad male escort.

“Yeah. Law school wasn’t cheap.” He smirked.

“You’re really a lawyer?” You gasped.

“Yeah. I keep Bobby out of legal trouble mostly, but yeah… Stanford Law.”

“Why aren’t you at, like, some law firm somewhere?”

“I make more money working for Bobby than I would working as a low-level lawyer even at a big firm. When I get done paying off my loans, I’m planning to go be a Public Defender, give back to those in need.”

“Wow. I can’t believe you’re really a lawyer.”

“Yep. Lawyer-whore. That’s me.” He said, smirking.

“And, uh, how long ‘til you’re just a lawyer?”

“Why?”

“Because I told my roommate that I wasn’t going to have sex with a prostitute and I just need to know how long I have to hold off so that I won’t be a huge fuckin’ liar.”

He laughed. “Oh, you’re gonna be a big fuckin’ liar.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“No, it’s a fact. I’ve got a year until I drop the other title and I don’t think you’re gonna last the weekend.”

“Rude! I’ve already gone five  _ years _ without, I’m certain I can-”

“You haven’t had someone like me actively trying to get you in bed before.” He whispered, before leaning down to press soft kisses to your neck. You whined as heat flooded between your thighs and you squeezed them together. “See? Just admit you’re a liar and let yourself enjoy it.”

You scrambled off of his lap and pointed in his face. “Rude.”

“Guilty.”

You smiled. “Okay. Come on. I’ve got pies to lattice.”

Everyone looked thoroughly chastised when you walked back into the kitchen and you weren’t sure if it was because of Sam’s words or because Maw-maw had put her two cents in. You sat at the counter and started to work on the pies. “Muscles! Go get the turkey and the brine bucket from the fridge in the garage.” Maw-maw demanded of Sam, who nodded and walked away.

“So, where’d you meet  _ him _ ?” Marlene asked.

“Match.com.” You responded with the practiced lie.

“ _ He _ was on Match?”

“Uh-huh. He’s busy, so conventional dating was out. Maybe you should sign up, Aunt Marlene, trade in Uncle Charles for a newer model.”

“Excuse you?!”

“Oh, sorry. I assumed because you were ogling  _ my _ boyfriend, that you might want a new man.” You smirked. You felt great. You’d never let loose on your family before, saving your barbs because you were sure it would make things worse, but now? Nothing stopping you.

Carol stepped forward, looked down the hall to make sure Sam wasn’t coming, then turned to you. “So, how is he in bed?” You snorted and shook your head, focusing on your pie work. You could say with absolute certainty that he was a God in bed, even though you’d never had him, but you weren’t going to break under her interrogation. “Come on! Is he… proportional?”

“Oh, sis, how embarrassing for you. Your husband’s  _ right there _ .”

“I’m sure Ted wants to know if Sam’s got a bigger dick than him, too. It’s a machismo thing. Come on!” She insisted and Ted shrugged.

“I haven’t measured it!” You laughed.

“ _ I _ have.” Sam said, entering the kitchen with a huge bucket of brine with the turkey sitting in it. “Where you want this, Maw-maw?”

“Set it right here, son.”

Sam set the bucket at Maw-maw’s feet and turned to evaluate Ted. “And, yeah, I’m bigger.”

“How could you even-” Ted started, but Sam shrugged.

“Unless you need the full ruler to get your measuring done, I’m bigger.” He said, simply.

“Close your mouths. You’re gonna get flies, you thirsty bitches.” Maw-maw snapped, causing you to fall into a fit of giggles.

“I really like your grandma.” Sam said, grinning.

“Me, too.”

“Seriously, Maw-maw, you’re way cooler than my Grandma Millie.”

“I’m way cooler than everybody. Somebody come get this turkey out of the bucket so we can get it in a pan.”

“I got it.” Sam volunteered, still grinning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, your prep was complete, three pizzas were being consumed by the family because no one wants to cook when you’re cooking a feast the next day, and you were sitting in the living room with Sam, Maw-maw, Teddy Jr. (who informed you that he wanted to be called TJ now), Ted, and your uncles Stan and Charles. You were watching a marathon of Thanksgiving Chopped episodes and Maw-maw was grumbling about canned cranberry sauce. Sam wasn’t watching Chopped. He had you in his lap and was watching your eyes fluttering with every sweep he made with his large hand across the back of your neck. You noticed that whenever you gave a contented sigh, he’d reward you with a little kiss on your jawline.

Your mother and father walked into the house and dropped their bags next to the door. “Sorry we’re late! Traffic on the two-ten was hell.” Your mom announced.

You straightened up and pulled away from Sam to stand. He followed your example. “Mom, Dad, this is Sam.” Your parents looked at you blankly. “Remember, I told you I met a guy on Match?” You’d mentioned a guy months ago but you hadn’t told her that guy ghosted you, so it worked out.

Your mom’s eyes widened. “Oh, right!” She smiled and offered her hand to Sam. “It’s so nice to meet you!” 

“You looked nice and comfy there.” Dad said, nodding at the couch you and Sam vacated.

“Dad, don’t.”

“If you don’t like it, sir, I’ll keep a respectable distance.” Sam offered.

Your dad shook his head. “God, no. She’s a grown woman. Probably much happier now-a-days. Nice to meet you, Sam.” He took Sam’s hand and shook it.

Sam smiled. “Let me help you with those bags, Mr. y/l/n.” He reached down and picked up all three of your parents’ bags. He winked at you as he followed your dad up the stairs to find a bedroom. 

“Wow. Not even five minutes and he’s already got your dad’s blessing. Where’ve you been hiding this guy?” Your mother asked.

“I didn’t think I was gonna bring him, but he insisted.”

“Well, he’s…” She was lost for words.

“Quickly winning over the entire family.” You finished for her.

“I like ‘im! S’all that matters.” Maw-maw called from her recliner. “Now, shut up. I wanna see if that bitch with the messy plate got chopped.”

“I dunno. Dude’s real big. Kinda creepy.” TJ said.

“You’ll be tall one day, Teddy Jr. Might take a rack stretching you out, but maybe you’ll breach six foot.”

“No, I mean….” He rolled his eyes. “Why would he possibly need muscles that big?”

“To lift y/n.” Stan whispered to Ted.

You took a deep breath. “Yeah. He  _ is  _ the first guy that can pick me up and wrap me around him.” You shrugged. Sam thudded down the stairs and dropped onto the couch, grabbing your hand and pulling you back onto his lap. You leaned up next to his ear and whispered, “You’re right. I’m a liar.”

Sam smirked. “Told ya.” He whispered back.

You leaned back and looked in his eyes. His pupils were huge and it was a bit crazy that the look of lust was for you. You pressed your lips to his, moving them together and closing your eyes in bliss. His hands grasped your hips and pulled you closer to him. 

“Get a room!” TJ shouted, disgust completely undisguised in his voice.

“We’ve got one.” Sam responded, pulling back.

“Let’s go to it.” You suggested, getting up off of his lap.

“Do us all a favor and keep it down, would’ya? No one wants to be disturbed by that shit.”

“Ted, why don’t you go shove a ruler up your ass and see if  _ you  _ can be quiet about it.” Maw-maw snapped. You and Sam laughed, loudly, the entire way up the stairs. The others in the living room didn't seem to think it was that funny.

When you got to the room, Sam locked the door and pushed you to the bed. You propped yourself up on your elbows and watched as he pulled that dark grey shirt off over his head. “Please, tell me you brought condoms for just in case.”

He smirked and nodded. “I brought condoms, just in case.” 

“Oh, thank god.”

“Well, if you’re gonna have sex with an escort…” He said, quietly, stepping closer to you and leaning down to press his lips to yours. You moaned into his mouth and he licked into yours. Your hands went to his bare shoulders, the muscles rippling under your fingertips and making you whine. He grabbed the bottom of your shirt and pulled away from the kiss, taking the shirt over your head and dropping it to the floor. “Fuck. Look at you.” He breathed out. He pushed you backward and covered you with his body. Tanned skin warmed yours as he took his time kissing across your neck and shoulders, pulling panting moans out of you as he slid your bra straps down your arms and continued to kiss down to the swell of your breasts.

“Sam.” You whined. Your body felt like it was on fire. Your pussy was throbbing and all he’d done was kiss you. 

“Someone’s impatient.” He leaned up and looked into your eyes. “If I don’t get you ready, y/n, I’m going to hurt you. If that’s what you’re into, I’m all right with that, but you did say that it’s been five years and-”

“Okay, it’s just… it’s been five years and…”

He smirked and popped the button on your jeans. “Let me give you a bit of relief.” He hooked his fingers in your belt loops and tugged the denim down your legs. They turned inside out but he just tossed them over his shoulder and spread your legs, running his hands up the inside of your thighs. You gripped the comforter tightly as he ran the thumb of his right hand along your panty-covered slit. “Haven’t been touched in five fuckin’ years. So responsive.” He leaned his head down and ran the tip of his tongue along the same path his thumb took. You squeaked and pressed your lips together in a thin line. “Come on.” He rolled his tongue across your clit and you moaned, loudly.

He tucked his fingers in the waistband of your underwear and tore them down your legs before returning his mouth to your clit. “Sam!” 

He hummed appreciatively, and it sent shockwaves through you, making your toes curl. You buried your hands in his hair as he teased his middle finger into your entrance. You clenched around the digit and he nipped lightly at your clit as he started to pump it in and out of you, never letting his attention fade from your bundle of nerves. He added a second finger and you gasped at the stretch. He pulled back just enough to look up into your face. “If two fingers are making you make that noise, I don’t know if you can take me, babe.”

“You’ll make it work. I have faith in you. You’re a professional.” You chuckled. 

“Yeah, I am.” He said, before diving back in, making obscene noises with his mouth against you and picking up the speed of his thrusts. It didn’t take long for you to cum, screaming his name. His thrusts didn’t stop, he just added a third finger to the group, but he stopped the assault on your oversensitive clit. “You okay?” He asked, smirking from between your legs.

“Please, Sam.” 

“That’s not an answer, but okay.” He crawled up your body and pressed a kiss to your temple. “Be right back.” He rolled off the bed and unzipped his bag, pulling out a foil packet that you could see the word ‘Magnum’ on. 

You swallowed, a bit nervous. “The website… was it… were you telling the truth?”

“No.” He stood, looking down at you as he flicked open the button on his jeans. “A lot of women were getting intimidated by the extra quarter inch, so we scaled down.”

“Oh.”

“You’re not intimidated, are you?” He teased, sliding his zipper down slowly. You shook your head. ‘Intrigued’ was a more correct term. Your mouth hung open when he dropped his pants and boxer-briefs. Sam leaned forward and ran his thumb across your bottom lip. “You can close your lips, y/n. I’m gonna fuck your pussy, not your mouth.” He chuckled. “This time.”

Boldness dictated your next movement and you poked your tongue out to lick Sam’s thumb into your mouth and suck on it. You relished at the groan he released and he pulled his hand away, tearing into the foil covering the condom and quickly rolling it up his length like it was second nature, which… he’d probably done it a million times. He smoothed the rubber out and ran his hand up and down his giant cock to make sure it was secure.

He dropped to the bed and covered you with his body again, before capturing your mouth in a searing kiss. He reached between your bodies and lined himself up with your entrance, pushing in just the very tip. It burned like nothing you'd ever felt. He swallowed down your whines as he slowly rolled his hips to get a little further into you, then pulled back and repeated the action. When he finally bottomed out, he smiled down at you, taking in the look of bliss on your face, your bottom lip firmly between your teeth and your eyes rolled back to show the whites. 

“You still good, y/n?”

“I feel like I’m being ripped in half, but… in a good way. Does that make sense?” You whispered.

He smiled and pressed his lips to yours. “Yeah. It makes sense… and not the first time I’ve been accused of ripping a woman in half.”

He didn't move for a few moments, controlling his desire to thrust into you by distracting himself with languid kisses and leaving little bites along your jawline. When he did start to move, it was small rolls of hips, experimenting with how much you could handle and still distracting both of you with kisses. He waited until you started to lift your hips to meet his, ever so slightly and completely unintentionally, before he pulled out a few inches and thrust back in. You cried out and Sam started to kiss your neck, repeating the motion and being rewarded with a shout of pleasure every time. 

You wrapped your legs around his waist, ankles crossed at the small of his back. Your hands grasped at those amazing shoulders, desperate for some grounding against the pleasure that was threatening to send you flying into space. You tried to keep your eyes open, loving the way Sam kept looking into them to check that you were still okay, loving the way his hair swayed with every thrust and the way those hazel eyes shined. You failed. As he started to pull back further and thrust in harder, your eyes squeezed shut.

“You're doing so good, y/n. You're taking my cock like you were made for it.” He whispered in your ear and you whimpered so he kept going with the dirty talk as he picked up his speed. “You're so fucking tight, y/n. If I didn't know how to control myself, I would've cum already. You're squeezing me so hard, strangling my cock with that wet little cunt.”

“Sam.” You whined, digging your fingers into his shoulders. Normally, that word was a no-no. You hated the ‘C’ word with the hard ‘K’ sound, but out of Sam's mouth, it was sexy and no longer a curse. “Fuck!”

“Gonna change position, babe.” You opened your eyes and nodded and before you knew it, your feet were on his shoulders and he was back listening his hips. He kept one of his hands on your left shin but he reached the other forward to grasp your breast, playing with your nipple almost absentmindedly as his eyes focused on his dick disappearing and reappearing, sliding through your swollen folds. “That's a sight.”

You just whimpered in response. Sam gave a twitchy smile and licked his lips. “Can’t wait to feel you cum on my cock. Come on, y/n. You gettin’ there?” You nodded. You were right on the edge, just needed that one push to finish. “You want me to rub that pretty clit?”

“Please… Sam, fuck, please.”

He smirked and dropped the hand from your nipple to your mound, rubbing light circles across your clit with his thumb. A strangled cry fell from your lips as every muscle in your body tightened and white spots invaded your vision. Sam grunted and fell forward, bracing himself with his forearms next to your head as he started to fuck into you with abandon, chasing his own end. He kissed you hard as his pace stuttered and he thrusted one last time and you could feel him pulsing as he emptied into the condom. 

He pulled back from the kiss, but left himself buried in you as he stared down into your face. “You were loud.” He whispered, smiling.

“So?” You whispered back, before leaning up to kiss him, running your hand through his hair.

“I  _ like  _ loud.” He whispered against your lips. “Could get used to making you scream like that.” He hissed and you moaned as he slowly pulled his dick out of you.

“Is that… is that something you’d actually  _ want _ ?” You asked, quietly. 

Sam chuckled, shaking his head as he stood and pulled the condom off. He tied it off quickly and tossed it at the little trashcan next to the dresser. “Guess it’s time to talk about the future stuff?” He reached down and grabbed his boxers, stepping into them as you pulled the comforter up to cover your body. He slid into the bed next to you and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you against his body. “I know this isn’t the most conventional way to start a relationship, y/n, but I’d like to start one, anyway. If you can get used to the thought of sharing my body, I’d be really happy to save the important stuff for you.” He whispered, kissing along your shoulder. 

You nodded. “Okay. I can’t promise I won’t get jealous… I don’t know if I’m a jealous woman.” You chuckled. “I’ve never been with anyone worth getting jealous over.” You looked over your shoulder into his eyes, which looked almost green in the dark of the bedroom. “I wanna know everything about you, Sam.”

He smiled and leaned over to press his lips to yours. “This works out, you’re coming to Christmas with me to meet  _ my _ family.”

“Gladly.”

He pulled you harder against his body and tucked his hand into the valley between your breasts. “Get some sleep, babe. We’re gonna be waking up your family early for Thanksgiving morning.” He promised, kissing your neck. You smiled and closed your eyes, thinking about how you ended up in Sam’s arms. You’d have to buy Charlie something amazing for Christmas.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Friends, Family, and Sex Kitten Exes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16831657) by [CrashDevil (cjdevlin19)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjdevlin19/pseuds/CrashDevil)




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